Book Review: What Happens Next

      Now that I'm pregnant and about to pop (or at least feel that way!), I've being doing a lot more reading. I finally got a library card for my "new" city (just 2 years after I moved here), and it has definitely been well used already! 

     However, this month, I also received a novel to review. This book is titled What Happens Next and is written by Christina Suzann Nelson. This book is about podcaster Faith Byrne, who agrees to spotlight the missing persons case of her childhood friend, Heather, on her podcast one summer. Dora Crane, the mother of Heather, has never moved on from the loss of her youngest child, and refuses to accept the possibility that her daughter is dead. Together, Faith and Dora make strides to come to terms with what happened all those years ago, and each starts their path to healing.

     I did enjoy this book, although it wasn't a particularly fast paced novel (not that there is anything wrong with that, I just generally prefer faster, high tension novels). There were, of course, the aspects that weren't very realistic, and it had a general predictability to it. The characters were just those -characters. I can't say I was particularly attached to any of them emotionally, but I did cry a bit near the end (I blame that on pregnancy hormones, though!). The book is written through the perspective of three people- Faith, Dora, and through flashbacks, you slowly learn what happened through 10 year old Heather's perspective. I generally found the Heather sections the most interesting, since that was where it was revealed what happened, although there were a few revealing snippets during the present day sections as well (ones that I predicted long before they happened).

     At the end of the day, I read this book in probably 2 or 3 days, although I never felt compelled to keep reading if I didn't have to. However, because I'm 7 months pregnant with twins, I have a lot of free time (having been ordered to do as little as possible), so reading it quickly was quite easy for me.

     If you like a light, easy, slightly predictable read, this one is for you!

      *** Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. ***

Life Changes

     2022 has been over for over a month now, and it was the year that we learned the news that would ultimately change our lives forever. Which will come to fruition in 2023, meaning that this year is going to come with a steep learning curve for us, and a heck of a lot of change.

     In August of 2022, we went to Ontario for a 2 week visit with my family, which was absolutely lovely. When we returned to Alberta, I found that I was constantly feeling sick, waking up once a night to use that bathroom, and, eventually, I started to really not like my daily cup of coffee. My lifeblood.

     So I took a pregnancy test on September 13, and sure enough, it came back positive. We were both thrilled, albeit slightly scared because we've never had a baby before. I've babysat more times than I can count -most weekends throughout high school and even college- and worked in a daycare. I went to school for Early Childhood Education. Yet I still don't feel prepared to have my very own little human to take care of!

     There were a flurry of doctor's appointments and blood tests to confirm the pregnancy, and then, a few days after my 30th birthday, we had our first ultrasound.

     I was nervous. My instinct has always been to expect the worst, that way if it isn't that, you'll be pleasantly surprised, and if it is, well, it hopefully won't be as crushing. Unhealthy, I know, but that's my default setting. So going into this ultrasound, I was prepared to hear the horrible words "There is no heartbeat."

     We got there, my bladder ready to explode, and the ultrasound began. Raymond was sitting in a chair near my feet, so he could see the screen while I couldn't.  About a minute or two into the ultrasound, the tech paused, turned the screen so that I could see it, and said "I know your husband can see and has probably figured it out, so I'm just going to put it out there before we continue." And she proceeded to show me not one, but TWO babies.

     Not quite the news that my brain had prepared my heart for! Twins. September 27, 2022 was the day that we found out that we were expecting twins, and that our lives were going to change even more than we thought!

     It took awhile for it to really sink in. I think for the first month after, Raymond and I would just look at each other, shake our heads with shock, and say "TWINS?!" multiple times a day. We were -are- going to jump into parenthood with not just one baby, but two at once.

     Since then it has been a whirlwind, though also time seems to crawl for me. Twin pregnancies are automatically considered higher risk, although the risk level depends on what type of twins they are (I've learned a lot about twin pregnancies, let me tell you!). The most common twin pregnancy, and the lowest on the risk scale, is di/di twins. This means that they each have their own placenta, and they each have their own amniotic sac. All fraternal twins are di/di, but they can also be identical. The next type of twin pregnancy is mono/di -also the next step up on the risk scale. This is the twin type that we are having. Mono/di twins share one placenta, but each have their own sac. Finally, there is the highest risk twin pregnancy- mono/mono. Here, the babies share not just a placenta, but also the amniotic sac.

     So because our twins are mono/di, we know that they are identical. And because we are having 2, we decided to find out the gender, and learned that we are going to be the parents of two girls! Because it's higher risk, we also are monitored much more closely than a single pregnancy. My doctor had me quit my job at the beginning of October, because he didn't want me doing physical work anymore. Ever since the end of November, we have had an ultrasound at least every other week -most of December was weekly because of a growth discrepancy between the babies that they wanted to keep an eye on, so we've now had at least 10 ultrasounds, plus 2 ultrasounds just specifically of their hearts. 

     Tomorrow, I will be 30 weeks pregnant. At our last ultrasound, Baby A was about 2 pounds, 11 ounces, while Baby B was about 2 pounds, 6 ounces, but that was almost 2 weeks ago, so they're probably each about 6oz bigger now. And at our OB appointment this week, she said that we need to be prepared for it to be Go Time literally any day- not that she necessarily expects them to come sooner, but twins are more likely to come early. And the absolute latest they will let them go is 37 weeks (which we hit on April 1). So anytime between now and the end of March, these girls could come. We're definitely hoping for the end of March! 

     So yeah, sometime in the next month and a half, our lives are going to change drastically (I can't believe we're already down to the last month and a half max!). They already have -especially mine, since I'm the one carrying these babies- but not nearly as much as it will change once the girls are out of me and in the world.

     We are still both slightly terrified, and delightfully excited.

     Life is crazy. So crazy. And God is so, so good.

The Greenhouse

      When I was thirteen years old, I got my first job. It was definitely not glamorous, nor, looking back, was it technically an official job since I got paid in cash. This job was picking strawberries (and, after strawberry season, picking raspberries and cutting garlic blooms. I remember smelling like garlic for a week!) at a local farm. In all honest, the employers were not great people -they would make us fill the pints way overflowing, sending us back out if it wasn't full enough for their liking, and then they'd take all the excess off and fill more quarts that they then didn't pay us for- but I got to work with my cousin and best friend Rachel, so it was fun. We liked feeling like grown ups, having a job, while still getting to hang out and have fun together. 

     After that summer, though, we both knew that we definitely did not want to go back there again the next year. We might have only been thirteen, but we knew enough that it wasn't exactly a good job. Thankfully, before the next summer was even close, we got hired on at a greenhouse owned by a family at our church. 

     We got our job at the greenhouse very, I'd say, accidentally. Our aunt was talking to the owner, T, and asked if they were looking for help, as she had 2 nieces looking for work. We were, in fact, NOT looking for work but hey, I guess Auntie B decided that we needed a job. T originally said no, but later "had a change of heart" and called me up to ask if we could come in the next day. See, T knew me fairly well because I had actually been her Sunday School helper for several years by that point.

     And that is how my greenhouse life started. Just like that.

     I'll be honest, I hated that job. It was fun at first -it was a job, it paid double what we had gotten at the strawberry farm, so we felt like millionaires, and we got to hang out while we worked. The work was seasonal, meaning that we worked Saturdays from January through May, and the occasional week in the summer. But it was enough that I never had to get another job during high school. After Rachel and I graduated from high school and started university, we ended up working at the greenhouse as our summer jobs. Mostly because it was the easy thing to do, since it was a guaranteed job. We never had to think about it or look for a job.

     Then we graduated, and I went off to YWAM. And came back to work in the greenhouse for one last year. Which ended up being much more than that -I worked there full time up until August 20, 2020.

     By the time I quit my job, I loved it. It wasn't perfect, but it was a place where I was completely comfortable, knowledgeable, and capable. I had my issues with the place, for sure -no workplace is perfect- but I loved the work, I loved the people, and I loved my position and responsibilities. I was management. I was trusted. I supervised, trained, and was often left in charge.

     I knew that leaving would be hard.

     I didn't realize HOW hard it would be.

     It's been a year and a half since I quit my job at the greenhouse -where I had worked for over thirteen years. And I still miss it so, so much. I worked at a greenhouse here in Alberta last spring, and they were a great place. They actually contacted me around Christmas time offering me a full time, salaried position as a grower, but I turned them down. Because the truth is, I hated every second of working there. It had nothing to do with them; they were lovely people, my co-workers were lovely, and they paid well. But it was too similar to my old greenhouse. Every day, while at work, I was reminded of everything I had left. Of everything I had lost. Of everything I missed so, so much. I honestly went through the month of April almost crying at work every single day. 

     It's getting better. I have a new job, now. It's part time, working for a greenhouse. But this time, I don't work AT the greenhouse. They're based in BC, and I'm their contact at a couple of stores here in the Edmonton area. I go in and take inventory, and I am there when the delivery comes in each week to put the new product out for sale. I clean up the plants. I'm working with plants, which I love, but in a very different capacity and environment than I did before. So it's good. It is different enough that it doesn't make me miss my first greenhouse.

     That doesn't mean that I don't miss my greenhouse. Because I do. So, so much. Distance has really opened my eyes more and more to the flaws and issues of my greenhouse, but I still love that place. I still love those people. I still miss it with a very deep ache.

     I had a job that I genuinely truly loved. And losing it sucks.

    Was marrying Raymond worth it? A hundred percent. But that doesn't mean that I don't wish it could be different. It doesn't mean it is always easy. It doesn't mean I don't miss my old life.

     Blessings,

          Katie

Just Words

      2022. How on earth did we get to 2022?

     I know, I know. It's old news, now. We are, after all, more than a month into this new year. It's still crazy, though.

     I mean, so much has happened in the last two years. And in my own life, the last three years have changed almost everything in my life.

     It was almost three years ago that I first met Raymond. That's it. It has just been three years. In those three years, since March of 2019, I've started the first romantic relationship I've ever been in. I got engaged. A global pandemic hit the earth. I got married. I quit my job, my volunteer work, everything, and moved across the country. I've established a life in Alberta. I've started a new job, started new volunteer work. 

     Three years ago, my life looked very, very different then it does now. So different. Yet, at the same time, there are things that are very much the same.

     God is still in control. God is still good. God is still faithful. I am still a broken sinner living in an incredibly broken world, one that desperately needs God.

     No matter how much change has happened -to someone who absolutely does not like change, I might add!- God is always consistent. And that is so, so good.

     Blessings,

          Katie

Book Review: The Divine Adventure

      My faith is something that is very important to me; I've been a Christian my whole life, but as I grew older, I actually took what I'd grown up learning to heart. I truly desire a relationship with God and to serve Him with my life. I want my words and actions to glorify Him.

     So every day, I begin by grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting on the couch, Bible in hand. Usually, it isn't long before I have a cat nestled either on my lap, at my feet, or curled up right beside me. I have a notebook in which I write things that I am thankful for, and I have my journal that I try to write in at least a few times a week. And I open my Bible and read. My goal for this year is to read the whole Bible in one year, and I'm making good progress in achieving that.

     The thing is, even though I desire a relationship with God and I seek to live my life for Him, I fail more than I succeed. As a result, I'm always looking for books, devotionals, and Bible studies that can help me. So when I saw that I could receive and read a book called The Divine Adventure by Rebecca Friedlander, I was excited.

     The Divine Adventure is a book that outlines some spiritual practices that are beneficial for followers of Jesus. Each chapter outlines a different spiritual practice, with the author outlining what it means/entails, some personal thoughts and anecdotes, and sometimes some historical and/or relevant facts about it. At the end of each chapter, the author has a "Your Turn" section, which consists of a few questions to ponder, journal about, or even discuss with others. The final section of each chapter is the "Spiritual Practice" section, where the author outlines some suggestions for how to live out this particular spiritual practice. 

     I quite enjoyed this book. I found it interesting and engaging, and helped me to think more about my faith and how to grow deeper in my personal faith walk. I'm appreciative of the author and her suggestions, wisdom, and insights. I would recommend for any Christian, new or years into their journey, to dive deeper into discipleship and to take new steps to grow in their faith.

           *** Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. ***

Book Review: Your Time Is Now

      I was excited for the opportunity to read a book by Jonathan Evans titled Your Time Is Now. I received it a week or two ago, and have since completed it. Your Time Is Now is a book about really living into God's calling in your life. The author, Jonathan, both reflects on his own life and journey, and dives deeper into the Bible and what it says.

     To start, this book was a quick and easy read for me, and seems very much to be aimed towards pre-teens or young teens. Just my opinion, that isn't something I know for sure. Jonathan makes some great points, and encourages readers to really dig into what God has for them, not letting fear stop them from living the life God has called them to. He challenges readers to say yes, to act, but also to wait when the Lord calls them to wait. Ultimately, he says, live life listening to God. When God says act, act. When God says wait, wait. Whatever God says, your response should be "Yes Lord!"

     At the same time, while I appreciate the conclusions that Jonathan came to, I have some hesitations about how he could to those conclusions. In my (unprofessional, just regular Christian) opinion, the author came to some conclusions about people in the Bible, and about evens and circumstances, that are purely speculative, and he paints them as a truth. To be fair, the one time I'm particularly thinking of he does say it is his opinion, but that is a brief statement followed continuing to explore the meaning of that opinion as though it was fact.

     Ultimately, if you want to read an easy read that makes you think about what God has for your life, go ahead an read this book! I would just encourage you to read it with discernment, which you should be doing with everything anyway. If you give it to a youth to read, make sure to talk to them about it. It is a good starting point for conversations, but I'd hesitate to recommend it with no follow up or discussion. Also keep in mind that the author is a former pro football player, and a current chaplain in the NFL, so he has a lot of sports references and analogies, which work but if you're like me and don't know or care about football, it can get kind of old.

     So there you have it. A book that can be used as a starting point, but one that I'd encourage discussion around!

      *** Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. ***

Lonely

     In June, my life changed again.

     No, nothing too crazy. But still a change, one that is hard. Up until now, my cousin and best friend, Rachel, lived here in Edmonton. It was such a blessing, having her live here for the past 4 years, because it allowed me to visit Raymond and also spend time with her. After we got married and I moved here, Rachel and I lived just 15 minutes away from each other. Growing up, we lived 5 minutes apart, and spent the majority of our time together, so living so close again was such a blessing! In spite of all the Covid restrictions, we were able to hang out at least once a week, since she lived alone and thus was allowed to be considered a part of our household. Every Saturday, Rachel would come over, bringing homemade sourdough English muffins, and we would watch the Great British Baking Show and bake something ourselves. When church was open, we would see each other there on Sundays. It was so good, having my best friend live so close again, but also just to have a good friend in this place where I knew hardly anyone else.

     Well, now, that time is over. In June, Rachel was transferred back to Ontario, and so Raymond and I helped her load up her car, and the three of us drove across the country together. We spent almost two weeks visiting my family, which was great (although we missed our little bug-a-boos, the two cats we adopted back in April!). We flew home at the end of the month, just before Alberta opened up from all Covid restrictions (YAY!)

     I knew it'd suck, having Rachel move away. And it definitely has. I have Raymond, of course, and his family. But I don't know his family very well. Because of the restrictions, we haven't been able to see them much. Not to mention he has six younger brothers -yes, SIX- and his family is loud and very overwhelming for me. Plus there's always some sort of drama, and I always feel slightly on edge, waiting for one of the trigger topics to come up. Now that Alberta has opened up again, we see them much more often, which is nice, but still. They're not people I know well and am comfortable around. I'm introverted. Large, loud groups exhaust me, especially when I don't know them well. So I'm getting there, but it is definitely a process. And of course, I also have Raymond's friends and their wives, but again, with Covid restrictions, it is hard to get together. Not to mention the whole they're-Raymond's-friends-and-I-don't-actually-know-them aspect.

     Our church has been a blessing throughout my time here, as we have joined the youth leadership team and thus gotten to know a few others, including one man who just got married. Him and his now-wife were in our Home Group as well, and so now that restrictions are gone, we are seeing them more, and having them over this week, actually, for a games night. It's nice because they are friends that we made together. They aren't RAYMOND'S friends, with me just kind of getting adopted in, but they're a friendship we can build together. Which has been nice, and helped ease the pain of Rachel being gone.

     But with Rachel suddenly gone, back in Ontario, I have become so, so lonely. I'm unemployed now, so I'm alone all day. Which is fine; again, I'm introverted and so am quite content being alone. But Raymond is not an introvert. He is, in fact, incredibly extroverted. So ever since the restrictions lifted, he's had something going on every single night. First it was pizza night with his family, then his cousin's birthday party. Then it was a hang out with a teen he mentors. The next night, we had his best friend and his wife over. Then Raymond had a games night at a game cafe. Then it was date night, and then a youth evening. Then it was a day spent with another friend couple, and then pizza night with his family again. Then, dinner with his grandparents, and then we had his parents and one brother over for dinner. It's quite literally something every night, apart from Date Night. Which is fine, I would never want to stop Raymond from being social, something that he has really, really missed during Covid. But at the same time, when he is off doing something in the evenings, when I'm not a part of it, I feel the crushing weight of Rachel's absence. I feel the reality of the fact that I moved across the country, to a place where I knew (essentially) no one, and just slotted into Raymond's life. He still has everything he had before, with the bonus of now having me here. But nothing else changed for him. He still has his family, his friends. His job, and his hobbies. For me, though, everything has changed. EVERYTHING. At least before, I had Rachel as a reminder of home, as a comfortable part of new life that was also part of my old life. And now I don't.

     So yeah, when I'm at home and Raymond is at work, it's fine. I'm not bothered by that. I keep myself busy. I don't allow myself to sleep in or nap or watch TV all day. But as soon as it's a time when Raymond should be home, if he is out doing something, I'm overwhelmed with loneliness. I miss Rachel. My best friend.

     Loneliness. It sucks.

     Yet ultimately, I am not alone. I've got Raymond, of course, who loves me and would easily give up his busy social schedule for me, if I asked him to (which I would never, ever ask of him!). But I've also got Jesus. He's there with me. He brought me here, and he's not going to just abandon me. 

     Thank you, Lord, for being in Alberta, too.

     Blessings,

          Katie